Early attachment experiences with our primary caregivers shape the adults we become and how we develop relationships. Attachment styles can be characterized by a healthy balance between independence and connection, but sometimes they are expressed by emotional distance, uncertainty, anxiety, insecurity, overthinking, preoccupation about how you will be perceived by others, and difficulty seeking help or comfort. By addressing the limiting effects that negative early attachment experiences have (on our neurobiology, interpersonal exchanges, regulating our emotions, and fostering self-love), we can strengthen our capacity for secure relationships, genuine connection with ourselves, and adaptive actions in the world.

When relating to others our attachment styles are usually clear, especially when developing romantic relationships. When working with clients in a romantic relationship (whether couples, polyamory, non-monogamy, married, divorced, dating), I tend to foster open communication and emotional expression between partners. I work together with my clients to identify and break free from the conflict cycle – a negative feedback loop we can find ourselves in, in which partners’ actions, emotions, and thoughts can trigger each others’ attachment styles and maladaptive coping, which leads to protective and defensive responses, which in turn can hurt the other person, which then can trigger more defenses in your partner, and the cycle goes on. Although all couples have a version of this cycle play out in their relationship, this becomes harmful when it starts preventing resolution and intimacy, leaving the people in the relationship each feeling lonely separately, together. I promote a safe and honest space in which we can all understand each other better, process historical and present wounds and triggers, and implement transparent communication between partners.